XIIAO C <3 YOU~

i always feel that......

2011-02-12T12:46:00.000-08:00

i always thought that you can be the one i want.
i always thought that you could change.
by giving one chance , two chance and many further more chances.
i put in all my love to hold this relationship going.
But you use all the strength of yours to push this relationship down.
In this relationship , all you have given me is FULL of LIES.
after lieing , still down here lieing to me.
does lieing gives you a reason to live.or do you have any fetish in it?.
Friends and Families ask me not to be like a fool to stay by your side.
At first , i din bother.now i can tell you friends are important in my eyes.
you are no longer the first piority but they will be the first.
i cannot imagine how am i going to live with ur PACKS OF LIES together.
i cannot be back what i used to be.
the one who will be the most stupid person like a fool to help you in everything you need.
In our love , i gave enough , & everything.
From today ownwards , i should stop it all.

2010-12-12T11:51:00.000-08:00

everytime when i try my very best to be a good girlfriend . Somehow i feel that i fail to .but all my friends din think so.
Everytime when you say that i am worthless . I thought awhile and i get what you mean.i know that i am making myself to be like this.

Countless time you make mistake , from big to biggest and worst.yoou didn't even try to amend it.not even try to do anything to it.just hanging it over there.
You loved to lie.
You loved to say sorry with no meanings.
what does all this mean?.
i really dun understand.

from the day u went into army from the start.
remember what you told me?.
you say when you end your army you will marry me.
now i dun even have a mindset to grow old with you seriously.
you only make me feel that this relationship is going to fall in no time.
no longer sweet , no longer lasting anymore.
cos in my mind it only contains your lies and the fake mask on your face.

Last time when i first know you , and the now you is totally different.
sometimes i jus somehow realise our feelings towards each other is fading.
Because now ,
you can love other girl easily.

Baby , you know i somehow miss those feelings you gave me in the past which i cant even feel it now.
i really dun understand what are you thinking.
and what you really want seriously.

Now i slowly realise actually friends are already enough.

2010-12-01T13:16:00.000-08:00

You are once the boyfriend i loved so much.
You are once the boyfriend i sacrifice for everything.
You are once the sweetest boyfriend i ever had.
You are once the boyfriend i always seen the best.
You are once the boyfriend that loves me more than anything.
You are once the boyfriend whom your body from the head to toes all belong to me.
You are once the boyfriend who will never throw me alone and left me crying there.
You are once the boyfriend who will rather meet me than anyone else.
You are once the boyfriend who does everything and belongs only to me.
You are once the boyfriend i trusted so much.
You are once the boyfriend who never make me cried so madly before.
You are once the boyfriend who will love me the most.

Now i realise there is nothing real.is all fake!
i want to hate you.but i cant.
i want to forget but i cant.
i want to pretend that nothing happen but i cant.

i still love you but i cant love you as much as before even though i promise to restart all over with you.

but i will do the best gf that you will never find flaws in me.
you will never know how hurtful it feels like to be in my situation right now.

2010-11-28T09:28:00.001-08:00

why things became like this?really so confused .
i am having headache and spinning right now.
Can i know?.i am feeling unwell now.
Am i still the one ?. i am not sure .
does your kisses meant something?
or just nothing?.
i doubt.

Love & Love.

2010-11-27T20:21:00.001-08:00

I want to think no more.
I want to hate you.
I want to avoid.
I want to forget.
But how?.Its a year , not a month.
when we meet it seems nothing happening.
it seems normal.its makking me more and more confused.
Each and everytime i want to cry , i held on.
i will just pretend there is nothing happen.
You are not beside me this time for so long.

I thought maybe i leave something will change.
you said that you will love me more better than before.
is it so?.i dun think so.Countless time i try to keep myself busy with my stuffs.
i cant seriously.i dun even know what are we now.

I can get over you are once the guy i loved so much.
i cannot believe that i treat you so good yet you can maybe just pretend like is a must?.You loved her i believe.

Joey says that i love you too much already so it makes me to becoming like this.
i cant change my mouth that i need to call you by name.
i already used to everything and used staying at your house.

you say you want to restart with me.
can i know how?.
by like this?.
i really dun know seriously.
why not you teach me?

Once upon a time you told me that you wun be like my ex bfs throw me aside and walked a short rs.
yes , you did walked long together with me.but so many things happen between us.
Looking back those post that i had made , is always sweets with sugar.nt bitter at all.

My heart still have you.how about you?.
if i had a chance i will prefer not to step into this rs so deeply and put so much into it.but is too late , i already have stepped into it deeply.

i always want to proudly say i have a bf who loves me so much,
proudly say that my bf dote on me alot,
proudly say that you are always my one and only.
proudly announced that you will never leave me.
But now i dun have the strength for it.

Love & Love.

2010-11-27T20:21:00.000-08:00

2010-11-25T08:59:00.000-08:00

Look back to the past.
From the start when i know you.
i am always the girl that you wanted .listening to whatever you want and everything.
i am always the girl who helps you wash your clothes at times.
i am always the girl who will give you money when you needed.
i am always the girl who sleep at your side so soundly.
i am always the girl who eat mac with you in the midnight.
i am the girl who done so many things for you as your gf for this 1 yr plus when you are in army.

i admit in the past i am the most
-Understanding
-Caring
-most in everything.
i love you more than i love my parents seriously.

You are the first guy for everything i had.
i loved you for who you are.
poor or rich without saying much.

if things din happen till today like this i will still prefer to restart with you and just lead a life and do what a girlfriend should do.
but things aint like this.i know i am a very soft hearted girl.
Maybe i am used to be loved by you thats why,
but now i think you can give your love to her den.
anyway hope you can have a good ending with her,and your wish will come true. :)

although i still dun understand why.

2010-11-14T05:14:00.000-08:00

i feel that we are drifting.
u lead ur life and i lead mine.
whatever it is.jus let it be.laughs!

2010-11-12T14:28:00.000-08:00

In the past i used to have you.
the one for everything and anything.
Now i feel that is drifting even though it looks so near.
Closer than past?.no.
whatever is past is already the past.
You said that you liked her , why dun you just go?.
my dearie joey toh ling yan say that i make myself priceless.
and my friends were disappointed about me.
i think i should at least do something about it.
Maybe in my previous post i cant compared to her for anything.
now the only thing i can do is to play along until we are totally what we used to be.
i believed is going to end in no time and nowhere.
cause i know that no girls can accept their bf when his heart is liking another girl.
am i right?.
Today i went work alone rather than my bf is accompany-ing me.
he is meeting the person that he like when i was working.
i feel sad , i feel everything.but he just heck care.
i really dun understand.
if i really change to be the best gf i did once in a past now , i think i am the most priceless girl.
but i won't do that.

Lastly , joey toh ling yanthanks for all my friend who is been together with me when i need hug ,shoulders and everything.i hope for today what i am going to change to wun disappoint u all.

i finally realise i would lost in a game to such a person.

2010-11-08T13:19:00.000-08:00

like what i once said , if you think she is better than me go ahead,
if you think she can give you good life go ahead.
if you think she can be as faithful as me go ahead.
if you think she is prettier than me go ahead.
if you think she is more understanding than me go ahead.
if you think she treats you like a king go ahead.
if you think she loves you damn fucking much go ahead.
if you think she suits you go ahead.

if you think i am nothing better than her.
than i rather you choose her and i will leave.
Definitely i wun stay.stay for nothing.

2010-11-08T04:33:00.000-08:00

Today went out alone like an idiot.
went to work
headed to slimming centre @ jurong east.
even i come out the receptionist also say i slim down le.
i think is self effect slim down ba?.idk.haha
very broke nao.but i want to get rich soon ley!;x

Baby , i believed i can handle this ,take all this with me.
like what i say i will be the most cheerfulest girl like how i once did.
let me brian wash , let me forget those pain you gave me.
let me remember only your gd and your lovely part.
thats all.
Not going complain anymore cause like what my close friends said before.
if i choose this , i have to accept this , i have to keep my mouth shut.
This the road i choose , hard also i am going to walk.

2010-11-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was quarreling with baby about stufss & stuffs.

yes i cant get over .but what i can do.you are still i prefer.

yes i cant get over .but you are still the one whom i loved so much.

You know why i still hold on?.its because i know that you have change in your characters in someways.

Yesterday you were telling me about the problem in between us.

But all along you make me feel that you are saying i am the cause of it.

i hate it seriously.

if you one day you ever tell me that

Bi , i want to break with you .i will definitely go off and wun turn back again.

this is the way i handle relationship.

I will just walked away.

But i know you would not bear.

because everytime i qsn you , you always said that you never say you want anything.

and if not you will jus kept quiet.

hais , Guys really very messy.

i am lazy to think about.just seeing how long our relationship can go on?.

2010-11-06T23:25:00.000-07:00

in your heart , am i the girl who stand the fullest part?.
i doubt so.
Your worries , Your care , Your concern , Your hugs , Your like , Your love , Your everything it seems so far from me.
Yesterday night i force myself to sleep.when i can feel a stone which is pressuring my heart to ask me to pour out everything and jus tear.but i didn't.its really feeling very uncomfortable.
Yesterday when i was sleeping halfway you came back home.out of the sudden , you told me old shoes are nicer than new shoes whereas before that you say that what IF only you have choosen me?.
before i call you your msg was asking me to leave you alone.
Now you are telling me that you only love me
whats more you want me to do?.
whenever i want to cut of this point , let go our rs .
you said that you dun want to regret and make a wrong choice.
i really still cannot get over the fact that you like or once liked her before.
Before you came back home you tell me that how i expect you not to miss her.
and this is not the best part.best part is you said that if you want me to ask u stop loving her or even like her you can , but you still want to be friends with her just because you once said that she treat you like a big brother.you know is pressuring my heart.
you make me feel far from you.you make me want to totally forget you.

The person i love most , end up is the person that hurt me the most.

2010-11-06T00:11:00.000-07:00

can we be like last time?.

the answer is no.

can u still love me as much?

the answer is no.
i am wordless.

2010-11-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

i once loved you so much.
i once thought that having you is the most happiest thing in my life.
i once thought that being by your side and waiting for you to finish ns is the most greatful thing as a gf should be.
i once had a boyfriend who can tolerate all my nonsence , my ups , my downs.
-whom been through together with me and understand me.
-whom wun leave me alone staying at home waiting
-whom wun say the word break for the first time.
-whom wun make me cry so badly without bothering me.
-whom actually feel the importance about me.
but now is all gone.
Forever in your heart you only remember i am in the wrong , i am in the fault , i am the cause of it.
You said that you will cool down and after you drink u will be back the same.
when i cry you hugged me and say that you are sorry.you wun let me feel alone anymore.
After all those quarrels we had made really makes me cry like hell in whatever place i am in.
i really dun bear , but at this point already what i can do.
every of my frens always whisper to my ears telling me my bf is very sweet.loves me alot.
but in fact his love towards me is not as much in the past as what he told me.
i really dun know what i can do to salvage this relationship anymore.
so i think i will just leave.

iloveyou.

2010-10-30T03:30:00.000-07:00

This Love suddenly making me feel freaking sick.

i feel like breaking up with you.

i dun want to see your face.

i dun want to hear your words.

i dun want to trust your words.

its DAMN DAMN SICKENING.

you are jus a fucker.

I not enough good?.i think i treat you more like a king.

i think better than my father.

you are the SAME as one of my ex.

you totally freak off my life.

Just FUCK off!!!!!

And you , i am wordless.

today i make my gal friend cry

2010-08-27T14:09:00.000-07:00

bibi i will try my very best to be like last time how we use to be .
we can be like last time so sweet .
be like last never scold u say u i will give in all mine best , to love u to dote u like how we use to be.
bibi in my whole life i never had a girlfriend treat mi so good before.
u are the only girlfriend who treated mi so good.
bibi 6 more month i'm going to finish my army le.
i will go work very hard to give a good life.
i will save alot of money to bring u go oversea play de ok i promise u, i will do it let u see.
and lastly i,m going say that i'm sorry that i make u cry heart pain of me.
bibi i really hope that u can forgive mi.
i love CYCENA WU xiao on mei

2010-07-02T07:13:00.000-07:00

I dunno whether by letting you go is right or wrong?.
I really really really CANNOT seriously forget those shits you have given me.
I REALLY cant!!!!!!!.
Can please someone just help me with it?.im so stressed up!.

If i have a choice to turn back time ,
i will never wish to be with you.
If i ever had a choice of being single ,
i will never wish to choose you to be with me.
All was just a messed!.
and seriously , we do not even suit each other.thats i am very sure about it.

you jus now say now you can let go just because you just said.
wait only & trust me you will say it once again.
STRESS!.

2010-07-01T02:17:00.000-07:00

Last time i always think that treating a person good , there are many advantages.
Now i think that by treating yourself and loved ones good is always the best.
I feel that you are far from me but yet so near in my mind.
Full with hatred , Full with angriness in my mind.
i want to lessen it to makes things better.but i just couldn't bring myself up for this.
Maybe one day i could.i have to trust myself that i can do it.

By Seeing you once , it flashes thousands good that you have ever give me before.

its my fault for not treasuring.

Make you sad ,

Make you tear for me ,

Make you find it hard to face me again.I know words cant change .

but i just feel like voicing it out.

really feel thankful.

Now road i have choosen for myself.

i will learn to walk without complains.

although i hate it , but my heart insist on me to do that.

Maybe i just need sometime.

Yes....we are drifting......

2010-06-30T01:24:00.000-07:00

Recently read so many sad lifes of my love ones.
Why girls are always so deep into love while guys are just hoping around?.
Today found my long lost JieJie .
She is the Best Jie i ever had in my life.
cos when i fall , she is the one who encourage me and picked me up from the ground.
Nobody can be like her.<3.

i feel so sad for her.But at the same time nobody wish all this could happen.
all the best to you.(:

My ownself also cant handle , so i cant say much also.
Now i know why my stomach cramp like hell.
BECAUSE , .....My mens is saying HI to me .____.

Yes ....we are drifting apart....

2010-06-29T00:25:00.000-07:00

Now i realised that even though you cannot really have me in heart , you cannot really treat me as a princess , i would rather choose my freedom , my lovely friends , my everything than you.
i already have waken up from my cage , free from my lock that i have been in for 1 year 5 months.
Now i have my own goal , what i want in life and i will save enough money and go for it.
not much time to dilly dally about what L.O.V.E is.
I admit i couldnt leave you , but i want to have back my freedom and be a happy girl.
Like what my dearie say , if i want to be with you i should accept , and not to complain.
I believe i can give up one day my friends , i just need time & yupp you all should know what i meant. :)
Dearie your words are right.i am seriously awake.thanks My dear :)
Although we sometimes quarrel about unhappy things , my i am glad you are still always helping me here. :)

Now my stomach damn damn PAIN .CRIES.!

A love story which is not mine

2010-06-24T22:04:00.000-07:00

I cannot accept what you did to me in past , but i accept afterwards just because i love you.
Last time i just let this relationship be , now i dun even want to bother about you anymore.
But it came to my suprise that you repeated it again.when is this going to stop?.can you please fucking tell me?.
you said that you want to marry me?.marry me with all this shit?.no thanks.i am still young.
By adding someone into a conversation , you told me is just because it is fun.do you know what yourself is talking about?.you still think that i am still in my secondary school world to let you cheat on me ?.sorry i am not.you made me so hard to believe in you.i find it so difficult now.
In your arms , i hardly breathe.
In your hugs , i scared to fall asleep.
On your laps , those hurtful pain started to say hi to me again.
In my mind , i find everything so difficult now and yesterday i wanted to let it go.
when i said that i wanted to let it go , you told me you dun wished to.
whats the point and holding me back and torture me with those rubbish that you have done to me again and again.
i want to escape from this love is because we dun belong to each other at all.
My limits are up.Now you said you will listen to whatever i say from yesterday ownwards.
Hence readers , please remember about this sentence he said to me and be my witness.
if he ever disobey me , we will just jolly well broke off.
even if he dun wish to , i will just be the most fucked up person in this world.

2010-06-23T01:45:00.000-07:00

Alright , i just came back from chalet.kinda tired.didn't get enough REAL sleep actually cos SOMEBODY irritate me!.grr.you know who you are uh!.

Saturday:
Saturday went out with meimei .i know her names sound funny.but she is a funny person too.!
Being kind enough , she treated me lunch because i am damn broke liao.getting crazy with this kind of penniless life.Feeling little stress about life though.went to toa payoh den towards jurong point.went to meet her friend there and they buy plenty of sushi.and we ate at the coffeshop.Afterwards , i was feeling damn tired already , waiting for my bf to book out at the same time too.and when i reached home , he is home not long after i came back. :D.

Sunday :
Sunday went out with my boyfriend ,his father and one of his brother to zoo.woke up @ 9 and get washed up and prepare ourselves to yishun interchange to take bus.it seems rather exciting as i haven been to zoo for damn long i think.laughs :D.we walked for around 2 to 3 hours.we didn't really complete walking the whole zoo. because we are too tired.when it is 12 plus we went to have our lunch at there which is kfc.taste yummy!.haha.after eating we took bus home and home sweet home ~:P.
when it reaches at night , i went to meet my dearie and boyster @ chai chee road.put our stuffs down at boyster house , we went to slack till morning 9 and me and my dearie took bus to chalet.and after that when we reach we went to the service counter and they say need to wait till 2:30 den can check in.we were damn shag like hell.after that boyster ,mona , dan reach pasir ris to find us.we sat at the mac there like some stupid blur people.everybody was tired and sleep and rest at there.Suddenly , some misunderstanding starts the fire between my dearie and boyster .but dan settle it so its fine and when its 2:30 we went to check in and start resting. :)

Monday:
Monday everyone is at chalet behaving like some crazy people.Mona , dan and boyster went to escape to play.me and my dearie were in the room.some friends came that night.we watched ghost show together and after that was quite bored and fall asleep afterwards and its tuesday.the actual day that they are celebrating..

Tuesday:
Tuesday we got ourselve woke up but due to our tiredness we woke up nearly afternoon.when the times hit 7 , many people start to come in the chalet.we had many funs and laughters.but i have alot of irritateness!!eversince yangyang came i dun have any peace in the chalet.i want to sleep also hard.zz.but its very fun.this the first time i stayed overnight at chalet.laughs!.after the chalet bus home today.and now resting and blurring @ home as bf is not booking out today.yawns.waiting for my pay to come.=__=

- End-

2010-06-16T23:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday went out with my new meimei. :D.
she was a sweet girl indeed!;). throughout the whole outing we were chit chatting about teenager's relationship stuffs.we had our hearts talked out eventually.so sad to heard that now a days all the guys are poor freak .waiting for girls to feed them like a baby .but seriously is like more worse than a baby .
hope i can have my admin job soon.i just need a stable job to stable down my life.
for my own rel ationship , i dun expect much anymore.just treat it my fate for my love is always like this?.
Eversince when i am 16 till now , it seems that my love life hasn't change anything.
its still the same , so pathetic , so hard to have a sweet love.everything just feels the same to me.
when can i have a love that i really wanted?.even this little request haven came true since im 16.

i dun wish to give up on you
i dun wish to let go off you
i dun wish to break off with you
but all is far beyond my control
i cant control it anymore
my hearts seems unstable
my confusion is increasing
My hate is covering more and more.
how am i supposed dun wish to?.

i hate you

2010-06-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

i dun need the best from you.
i dun need the money from you.
i dun need the pityness from you.
i dun need the insult from you.
i dun need the cries from you.
but dun make me dun need the love from you one day.

Seriously , i think my limit is somewhere around there.
i dun see if there is any need to be together if you want to tell me about PAST.
or the wrong things i have done.you go and think twice about it yourself at least i have tried my best to do something to save this relationship.what have you done?.
Now what i know is i cannot let go , but i will learn to.
Maybe in your eyes i had never been important at all , i had never been as sweet as anyone at all.sometimes i do not understand why i am doing sacrifices for you just because for the sake of i am doing it.i really do not see any point.or is it seriously true that only slim girls can hold onto a guys heart.sometimes it seriously makes no sense at all.

Last time ,
those blames ,
those nasty words,
those scoldings that came out from my mum's mouth to my ears i didnt complain anything.everything i just say that is me.everything only a word called me.
but now i wouldn't do anything for you since you dun appreciate it.
regrets will be kissing to your faces like i once said to all those jerks.
because in my eyes they are just jerks.from today onwards i shouldn't have any dinner or what and i shall try and see what is the difference between fat and skinny girls benefit.

i really hate hearing hurtful words again and again and its very shity to heard it & you will never know because you are not who i am.

How i wish that day you will never turn back to find me and just take it as i am in the wrong to run to go off with another guy.

2010-06-05T07:35:00.000-07:00

My Life~
Sorry readers that it has been so damn long since i last updated my blog.but due to the time that i am lacking.so thats why.get back home after work.feeling very exhausted.seriously.as i have only slept for 4 hours last night. These few months i really learn alot.be it love , be it family , be it whatever it is.Let start from my family first..
when i was small i always think that is never enough for me , but when i grow my thinking suddenly changes alot.Maybe i dun have fate to be in a happy family like what others is having now.my fate is just being alone.work and sleep.In my family life i really dun see anyone seriously.when i needed help , its from myself , everything come from my bare hands.i never felt so hard and tough before.
And....in my whole life , i never come across such a messy love , headache love ,and heartache love.
Money is important to everyone.none of us being human beings want to be realistic about money.we are something to be force to face reality.

To My Boyfriend:
you know what?.sometimes i wish you could just be matured more.
you know what?.sometimes i wish you can concern me more.
you know what?.sometimes i wish you can love me more than anything else.
you know what?.sometimes i wish you can stop and really stop lending urgent money from me.
you know what?.sometimes i wish you will say that you can treat me more better than her.
you know what?.sometimes i wish you will say and really not just say but prove with actions.
you know what?.sometimes i wish you can tell me that i am the most important to you.
you know what?.sometimes i wish ypu can stop giving me empty promises.
when can all these Stop?

you are just nothing....

2010-04-05T00:39:00.000-07:00

Normally parents always wanted to see their child to grown up fast so they can learn many things.but i dun think my parents view in that way.when i was young , i have full attention and concern from them.now i get nothing.i was thinking why should i bother about their quarrels in the past.i am so confused.i am feeling lonely.i stand alone.now my parents left me.Father and Mother doesn't want me.what i have done to deserve all this?.does those things causes because of me.Parents divorce seems to have an issue with me also.i am just like divorcing with both of them.none took me together.NONE!.

Now , i am going to stay independently with no hands carrying me.
Sometimes i dun wish to blame.but it just make me fucking hate it.
i have parents once , but now i dun think i have any.NOTHING!.
what the fuck both of you want from me.just come ahead and tell me alright.its driving me mad!.

Now , i just want to have a normal life.i carry it by myself.
sins , happiness , its just me.

2010-03-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

Today went photoshoot.there are still more/.but lazy to show.haha!

2010-03-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

life is bored.hope to get a work soon!

2010-03-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

When the time arrived.....

2010-03-20T05:23:00.000-07:00

Everyone have their fault , everyone learn when they fall.Many people cried for their loved ones many time before , Many People also do silly decision because they love someone deeply.when i am trying so hard to be the best of me like my closest friend joey ,you let me feel that my whole heart just left my soul away.In my eyes , i always make wrong decision , but during the day we were together , you make me feel that i made the right decision.right to love , right to care , right to concern.But sometimes , i dun know how much i can do to be the very best gf you ever wanted.I feel that you already have doted me lesser , feeling the importance of me , is no more there.Maybe you din realise , but i do.Just that night , you make me feel like crying and just say goodbye to everyone.Once you told me those words i still remember.be it you said that i am stingy , childish and all those bad point of me.but you know i am trying to make a change in it.perharps you dunno.Maybe one day i just had to be like my closest friend , giving everything that you need , is that what you want isit?.or what?.stingy is always what you know about me , and what you think about me.Couples shouldnt count money , shouldnt for all these.but you know sometimes i wanna have a saving for my own it seems hard because i have been spending all day long.but i dun mind for all these.at least i din ask you to lend from me.in my life of 18 years , i have never spend any money on guys before , till the day i met you , you are the one who let me do that.Maybe you think is a must , it should be like that.i always do something for you and i just request something small from you , can you do it for me?.sometimes i think that the picture is too blur for me to see , and just let whatever the things be and to be there.Once Upon a time , not long ago , i betrayed your feelings.now you complaining why i din post out about how bad i treated you.are you sure?.do you want to see my previous post what i post about it?.or you would like to ask my friend about it.you know no matter how you treat me i am always still here , no matter how hurting those words are , i am always here.you know or not?.Sometimes , i feel that you really dun have the heart to continue , dun have the heart to carry on.you really made me have those thinking in my mind.what are those msges you sended me for.isit because of some reasons for you to hold on me.not that girls want to think so much.its because those actions you do make me think so.maybe in your eyes all these are just foolish act.but is ok.One day maybe i wil understand.i always like to use the same old phrase .somtimes Lies hurt more than Facts.seriously.

Soon , i am gonna find a job when i get some money again, or maybe to take my allowance for transport.i blame my parents , but it also wun make any difference for that.this is all by myself.i am big enough for everything.

Road i choose , to be with who.no matter how difficult it is , i will still walked myself and tell myself to blame no one.thats my life.

THE END-

2010-03-18T00:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday went out with my beloved sister to woodlands.its been so freaking long since i last saw her.miss her damn much.haha.we went for our singing session.i almost lost my voice because i have been singing for two days already.Feeling so bored at home nw.yesterday went to buy newspaper and now i am starting my job seeking.haha.awaiting for my baby to book out! ^^

From the start , is consider the life.

2010-03-15T10:41:00.001-07:00

babyireallyloveyou.
Baby , From the start we know each other we have never give up before although sometimes we feel that we do not suit each other.Baby , dun always cry for me because it makes my heartache you knw?.i will try to be back the very good gf that i have once been.maybe is a bet between us that how long we can endure.my life , i will choose and wun blame anyone for it.now i just want to lead a normal life .i dun expect anything from you.
When the first time you forgive me and yet you make me feel so sad at the same time for your changes..i hope your love wouldn't be lessen for me.if noti will be very sad if i know.in my heart , i will always love you.050109.: D

2010-03-07T20:58:00.000-08:00

Mistakes i once made , i know it meant very serious to you.

No matter hw heavy those raindrops are , you are just feeling nothing about it.

Past we were sweet , Past we were loving , Past we can't leave each other.

To me , now is just so different.Maybe you can't feel , Maybe you thought i think too much about it.

But seriously thats how i feel.Now perhaps you feel disguisted about me.Perhaps you kept thinking thousand times of why.Every second , my mind ask myself , why , why , and why.sometimes it seems so funny you know?.maybe is just so funny.Once upon a time i said that i will remember every single words you told me and you taught me.yet , you still use words that make my heart shrink.from the 10th to the ending and landed on the ground.

Now , you said you want me be your wife & i was wondering if that day would come.i was wondering if thats the fact.everything i just wonder and listen into my ears and nothing else.i am feeling down where no one can understand about.

Can you please tell me what your cry means to you?.

what your sorry means to you?.

what your heartpain means to you?.

what does all this means?.

i know that by telling everyone hw much i love you , you will find that is a topic that you would love to laugh at. am i right or am i wrong?.

Your heart doesn't change.

Your words change.

Your action change.

Your mindset change.

Your sorry change.

Your cry change.

To me , more or less is a change.

when i can see those sunlight you once gave me.

when can i see the first time you.?

when can i feel the same you?

Cycena life , same script , different cast.

2010-03-05T01:35:00.000-08:00

Now everyday with My beloved boyfriend

he always love to lie to me that he is going to book in when he is not.haha!.but i love it.because its a suprise to me.how i wish he could stay outside and at home everyday just to accompany me 24 hrs.Sometimes when he is not beside me , i feel so empty.when he is fierce to me , it makes me cry.although i dun cry it out , but i cry in my heart.Sometimes i even wonder , am i important?.or am i just a companion to you?.Today we woke up and went to eat , you throw the menu at me when i did not want to answer your question.it makes me feel so different.yesterday you said that we drifted apart , isit true?.words that you once said to me , it always makes me feel so important so stress.My dearie told me that i am wrong but that does not mean i dun have a choice.but for me , i still feel that i am still at the same point.i dun wish to move at all.yesterday when i sang those songs with those words, it makes me feel so hurt .i dun know why.i really dun understand when i can stop feeling like this.after 4 yrs , once again i feel like this.once again i felt so sad.really and its true.

My heart is only filled up with you.

2010-03-03T20:40:00.000-08:00

Baby , you know when i saw you cry , you know how much it aches my heart.all those things i ever done to you make me feel so pain deeply.when you look in to my eyes and say you didn't want to do this to me , i felt that i had just jump down from the first floor to the end ground.it makes me feel even worse.after that day , till now you still can say four words to me [Bibi, i love you].i am so glad that i still can hear those words from your mouth that is whispering to my ears.those four words makes me think alot.when i ask you , why would you still want me as your girlfriend ?.you told me is because we made a promise that we wouldn't leave each other.i was shocked that you still remember at least this you know.because in my eyes , you are always the one who doesn't remember anything that you promised me.But one thing i should be glad is , you are still with me.when i was in secondary 2 , i thought after once it will be better , but now i think that i am worse than that.Baby , still remember when the first time we met?.it was so sweet , so cute.when you first time held my hand up the escalator.you brought me to sing song at the 8th floor.after that i went back your house.and this is how our love start.in this relationship , we betrayed each other before , we hugged together and cried before , we promised each other not to leave before , we gave each other promises before , we shared out pain together before , we share happiness before.and many many things we did together.in my heart , i will never forget baby.i just hope that you finish your army so that you can have more time with me.yesterday , i was thinking not to let you see my hand.cos i know you will heartpain for me , but i really dun want you to feel heartpain for me .cos i think afterall its not worth.dun ask me why.cos i dun even know myself.when you asked me why i changed so much , i really dun know myself.but now i only know i wanna be with you.and be the gf you always think of about me.and this is true.Lastly , i love you baby.; )

-THE END-

2010-03-02T19:48:00.000-08:00

Recently many things happen.i had quarrels with boyfriend and my dearest friend.Baby, i am wrong to do all these to you.i know you seriously need an explaination.but i really cant picked myself up to explain to you.you are the first guy who makes me feel that i just want you and really nothing else.i know things that i do , dissapoint you and disguisted you alot.because every single word you said yesterday i really remember.you told me i dun fit to be your girlfriend , not even say to be your wife.maybe thousands of tears , thousand of sorry cant bring your good back to me.now , i dun expect anything.i just want you to stay by side closely.and stay with me.My heart felt so pain , like i never before.but i know is not as pain as yours.i just wanna say in my eyes , you are very dearly to me.like what i say , even if the whole world falls , i just wanna stay with you.you told me to stop crying.sorry i cant.maybe letting you to scold me , you can go ahead.i dun blame anyone .but to blame myself.sorry to dissapoint you.

To my dearest friend , sorry to dissapoint all of you.

-The end-

its happier that you told me facts and not lies.

2010-03-01T21:25:00.000-08:00

file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Free/My%20Documents/My%20Chat%20Logs/February%202010/j.loves@hotmail.sg.html

Once before you told me
:Cycena , dun use that account , because the seniors in the nightsangel we just offended him and he gonna band everything.dun log in the msn anymore .we create ourselves ok?.

My replied is
:Ok.

i trust every words from what you said to me without asking much.
On one faithful day i finally logged in.i saw those words had changed in the msn.
i knew something was not right.
maybe you thought that i am mabel.
but , you were wrong.

when i qsn you about it , you said you wasnt online the whole day on saturday.
including night.
but this conversation started at 11.50 in the night.
are you trying to tell me is not you?.its others?
just tell me striaght for anything.i hate lies.

whatever things you told my boyfriend i will always remember.
i promise you & you will promise me.

-The end-

2010-02-25T18:59:00.000-08:00

when you are young , your parents protect you from being drenched.after when you are awake from the rain that night , you become an adult.and this is when you stand alone.even how heavy the rain is , you have to hold your unbrella on without letting it flew away.now i know how troublesome am i for others. i don't give people convinience but indeed i gave them troubles.now i really know.lets put the blame on me.it all cause by me.i already had enough of your everything.you also already had enough of my everything.what for by staying together?.you live happily with your future new hubby , i lead my own life.i dun need any pityness in my life.my dad do not bother to contact me because of what i have did.after all its all my doings.my wrong.you both as a parents have no wrong alright?. we need to state clearly you and my stuffs.your stuff is yours .mine is mine.what for as a parent stating so clearly?im being mad about it.nobody knows about what you freaking did in past.perhaps you have forgotten what the hell you did.but i will always remember in my mind.thats my mindset.as long as i know i am not wrong.its fair enough.if time could turn back ,i will never help you , and if i could choose , i would rather not to be born in a family i once had.

2010-02-18T07:25:00.000-08:00

Slack with boyster and joey at bedok.haha.

its like alot days never been home uhs?.

you know what my Daddy Francis even say?.

He said : Wah , girl not bad ah,you have been home for two days.Lol.

which is less than 24 hrs added up.

it shows that i am a girl who will also be at home ok.

Boyster and Joey ah , dun always quarrel larhhs.aiyorhs.jialat the both of you.

Sometimes things still running in my mind.just that i dun know what am i thinking.yawn!.

2010-02-14T23:05:00.000-08:00

To everyone , chinese new year is a very happy occasion.but to me , is not.

Eversince from last year , everything has changes in it.

Once my father love me alot , he held my hand when i am going to fall.

He gave me the best in this world , he gave me first.

He hug me whenever i cry or when i fall in my relationship.

He gave me hope when i think i am losing my hope very soon.

Now , everything is different.is different till i feel that my father even pretend that i am not his daughter anymore.

i felt so sad and i cried yesterday.words cannot describe those feelings i am feeling now.

Now i know why children which have single parents always feeling so sad.now i really know.

Yesterday finally saw my cousin , its been so long i have been seeing her again.i miss her damn much.i gave her a BIGBIG HUG when i saw her.feel like bringing her home.:X.after going here and there , home sweet home :)

2010-02-13T03:37:00.002-08:00

My Valentine , an unhappy one.

No Gifts , Suprises anyone?.hahs.

wish everyone enjoying their chinese new year :)

2010-02-11T11:13:00.001-08:00

today so bored at home..sometimes i wish i wasnt born in this world.why love should exist in this world.i doubt no one can explain this actually.i am going to work soon!.chinese new yr is coming v soon.haha!ystd went to mit dearie love and boyster love and i had a terrible night cos it seems so crazy being with her.sang last night and home sweet home!heh.tmr miting my greatest sis.i love you.!

2010-02-02T00:14:00.000-08:00

Cycena wish that she can just smile like this always without worrying anything.

No one knows hw to explain love , what is love?.

Sometimes , is wrong to be faithful to?.and when you are not is also just like a mistake.

Sometimes , i just feel that i cannot let go.its a year , its not months.

I believe if a guy truely wanting to wait for me , he will

-Stay with me when i am sad.

-Always give me a pair of listening ears

-Always pull me up when i fall.

-Cry when i Cry

-Smile when i Smile

-Everything is just me.

Till Now , i just want a Guy like this but it seems so hard to have.

To Leon-i know you once treat me like your princess , your whole world , your everything.

you dote on me even more than my mother , my father and everyone.you always worry that whether my mum will scold me not or even get chased out of the house.you really done alot for me.you just fall in love with me without knowing why.you said that i am different , very different from other girls.few days back you told me these are all once upon a time u treated me so well.i know you hate me like nobody business because you said that i hurt you alort.i can understand how you feel.i feel bad too.Some words i just wish to kept it to myself.i am not that type of girl who says out everything.maybe you think that i am crapping here.But i am not.that day you sat infront of me , every single word from your mouth is full of dissapointment you have in me.i can feel.i jus feel that to have a relationship needs time to build , it really needs alort of time.i am not asking you to wait for me , but is up to you whether you think that i am worth your wait.i know from small , your parents always vanished your dreams by asking you to wait.i know is very sad.like what i say ,if you think that i am worth is ok.if is not , is also ok for you to let go.Seriously , i love the way how you take care of me , i love the way how you worry for me.i really feel thankful to have found you as my friend.As time pass , den we will know what will happen.because no one can predict anything in life.im so stress now. :(.

-End-

2010-01-31T08:37:00.000-08:00

prawning on saturday with boyster love,dearie love,baby love.lol.

all is LOVE.=.=

Enjoy the pictures readers;)

2010-01-29T22:57:00.000-08:00

Cycena is currently at home.

life is being such a waste without doing anything.

Wrong/right , i think when i grow older is only when i know how to think for myself , my future.

After all , Guys are all the same in some kind of ways.

woke up and heard a bad news that travis is going court nxt week.

though i don know what has happen.but , god bless him with nothing happen towards him.

Cycena is sick and tired of everything.

2010-01-29T05:54:00.000-08:00

Its Going to new year soon!.Many things like happen so suddenly in one weeks time.Maybe just like what my mum say.i seems to be like her when she is young.she chosen wrongly for her freedom of her life , even for bet on marriage with my dad.she told me once not to be like her.But after all is still a choice of me.no one can force me for anything.this few days i dun seem to be myself.i felt so super depressed.i felt that another spirit is inside me.why love tends to be so hurtful.everytime when i fall in love , i just fell in it.

Yesterday went prawning after my baby booked in.but he didn't which i don know.not because i am prawning.is because i am talking to my mum and rico.yes , i owed him an explanation.i really do.i hate to seat down at the table without speaking.but i dunno what i should say.i feel so uneasy till now.i am really not myself,.yesterday my bf took his fren's bike down and saw me seating down with rico .his furious face makes my heartbeat run faster than ten times.after the first incident that i hurt my boy , i wun want to repeat again.i hate myself for not being me.

i know you said that you will treat me better.but who can ensure this?.i feel like i dun even have a choice of mine.i dun even feel that i can say anything.i really don.all i feel is just like between you and my mum.Once you told me that Money can buy a person's body , can buy everything but not love.But without money , you cannt even start a family with the one you love.everything is connected with money.But i am not like other girls who only think about money.i am not like other girls who carry only branded and not others.you gave me attitude as an when u like when u felt moody , even i dun have frens doing all this.which makes me feel that why should tolerate.

you said i treat frens like shit.do i?.if it does , why there are frens still following with me.to me i felt so stress.stress till even i left my key on the door for hours without even realising it.it feels so shity.i hate that kind of feeling.i sat down on the chair for 1hr45min without knowing time passes so fast.i feel like i am going to fly.you said so many words, so many sentences but after all in your heart i know that you felt very angry and dun know what to do about me just like hw y mum is feeling.you once told me feelings , you said that feelings can come easily , but do you know is not because of money than feelings will come?.maybe all the while you have been like this towards your past gf.but sorry i am not.totally different.

i am Cycena .and it will never change.you said i am rude to frens , or shity to frens , its ok.as long as i know i treat my friends well.its alright.you want to say i make u pay like an idiot , you jus go think about it , i did not request for your payments.Joey brought a fone from you.maybe 200 bucks to you is just 2 cents.to us , it can be used for many ways.you do things without informing.walk away as an when u like.give attitude like nobody business.show faces without saying why.just because of your irresponsible , i have to get scolded from Joey .it makes me damn pissed off.

You say i have done nothing to you as a fren or even for you as a fren.maybe yes i shoud say since you insist on thinking that way.thats why i prefer to kept my mouth shout when i was sitting infront of you.be it wrong or right , i wun say anything.because i dun think that i wish to say anything.Once you said that you dislike my bf , and you make me feel like i also must be the same .it makes me feel that i dun have the right to choose & everything is jus under you.i hate it.

My father once said :Girl ah , find boyfriend , rich , handsme , ugly , fat or what is ok.even if is poor , as long as he treats you better than anything is ok already.and make sure he dotes on you.i will always remember this.even a guy with money , they flirt and just throw money to you , what for being your husband.you are not gonna be happy even.waiting for a person is painful, i know .is up to u whether u think that person is worth or not.in singapore , out of 10 , 1 will be waiting , but 9 will just prefer to let it go.

Everyone in this world deserve a chance & Everyone have their road they prefer to choose.

-End-

2010-01-11T08:40:00.000-08:00

Love is easy to come , hard to manage.
Alright , My birthday indeed most of them attend.
happy about that.seriously my birthday was the biggest for this year.
Sorry for no pictures.because was too busy entertaining people.
thought My boyfriend forgotten my cake , but he didnt. ;).
enjoyed my day alot.and this the first time i feel freaking sleeping.
cos maybe i didnt sleep enough and get so sleepy.not that i am drunk ok!.

Now i am super headache.between my boyfriend and my mum.
Mum always like to say :You always side your Bi bi bi.
Boyfriend always like to say : You always like to side your mum.
You know sometimes it just makes me go crazy.
sometimes there is so many misunderstanding between them.thats what i can see.
and Since so long i have been staying at boyfriend house , i have nvr been dislike by other parents before.Baby , you know your father is the first.

Not as if i dun know how to wash clothes.
Not as if i dun know how to keep my things.
is i know , but your family members were too many, i need to wait.
i am not those to be first.
and Bi , dun ever go scold your father.
Because it will make it worse.

Cycena Just wants to work now.
its been so long that she has not been working!. D:

2010-01-07T22:07:00.000-08:00

Those who is coming Cycena's birthday , please dun be late.is 8pm ah!
Anything sms my number 81154233. :)
dun call ah.cos handphone no money as i am going home on Monday ;)

Cycena is 18~!:D

2010-01-04T23:40:00.000-08:00

Cycena's Most wanted Birthday Present is ............Hello Kitty!;p
Seems Childish ? , yes i know.thats the way Cycena is.
Never grown up in her world.But grown up in her thoughts. :)

Guys Take Note that My birthday will be held at Serangoon Garden

Start at -8pm.

end at 2pm in the midnights.

Date-9th january 2010 :).

its not my exact Birthday though ,

My exact is 6th january.:)

i have grown up for 18 years.
thanks for people who has been loving me so much.
Huiling Sis , sorry and lastly sorry that i didnt attend your birthday.
But remember that i am always here to pick you up when you fall.
You are My Best Sister.!<3

Dearie , we have always been close.
thanks for teaching me when i am stupid at times.
its been already so long , we didnt quarrel.
you are always beside me when i cry to comfort me.
;)

2010-01-04T01:57:00.000-08:00

Maybe i am wrong to treat you so bad.

Maybe i am wrong to treat you unreasonable.

Maybe i am just wrong for everything i have done.

I hate myself for changes in me.

I hate what i have become for today.

But is you the one who make my wrongs for today.

It hurts so much to hear you to say those words.

i trust myself to change.

i trust myself to become better.

But can you let me trust you so seriously that i once did?.

i did even twice.but it just cut so deep that no one can ever amend.

You said i make you crazy , sometimes i believe i do.

those things i have done really makes you go crazy.

i am really sorry my dear.

But can you just change me like how you know me from the start.

i want to be back like past.

i wanna the past me.

i wanna trust you.

i wanna , really i do.

i am so freaking crazy yesterday.

those word really drives me mad.

i really don know already.

i am really very Moody.

i scared i am hurt again.

i scared i trust wrong .

i am just caring a word with me called scared.

Sometimes i prefer to fuck care about it.

i was thinking that to change back my past is the best.

i rather to be stupid once again and again and always again.

After Yesterday , i prefer to gave you back those trust.

Hurt me as much as you can.

i am just so fine with it.

2010-01-03T07:02:00.000-08:00

Cycena Birthday is Coming!:DD

2009-12-28T02:22:00.000-08:00

This four days stay at home.
Feeling so sick.lukily no fever anymore ;)
i am having heavy and serious flu.hate it!.
its been long i have been so sick.=(

Recently my life seems to be a messed.
Staying at my boyfriend house feeling so bored!
Very restless and feeling strengthless.
Hope can recover soon and find a work soon too!:)
This year 2009 many things happen and changes in life.
So many things have been happening to me all in a sudden.
Sometimes it makes me think that i really shouldn't left my father house.
i should have stay.but those words from his mouth was so hurtful and cant be heard.

My mum says - i gave her harm
i am her burden
you know those words just makes me think so hard.
Since i gave her harm , i should stay away instead of staying.
Since i am her burden , what for increasing it?.
Sometimes it stress me till i burst out those tears from my eyes.
i even keep thinking what the hell my parents want from me.
am i just a toy in their eyes?.

Not that i prefer boyfriend which is not my husband den parents.
is because i dunno wat they always want.
its making me stress and going crazy.
i am 17 nxt year 18 , so just what my parents want from me?
My Father not willing to give me money further my studies.
so do my mum.
and what is all these ?.
Making me feeling so Stress.
i start to work , but how long can i work.

In these world , without cert is equals to without high pay.
but since my parents is nt giving me to continue study there is no point anymore.
How i wish i could touch books again ;(.

Now at least im happier a little
........

2009-12-24T08:32:00.000-08:00

sorry bi
sorry bi
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bibi dun angry liao ok i will alway love u for who u r
Hubby<3Wifey
Muackz^.^

2009-12-22T22:24:00.001-08:00

Cycena is sick!;((.
Boyfriend is in camp.nobody take care of me.
hais!.Cycena havin g Flu , Cough , and fever.
Going to die soon.
her birthday is coming at 6th of january.
Anyone want to come?. :p

2009-12-14T22:39:00.000-08:00

Recently alort of stuffs been happening to me.
First i did something that dun even dare in my life.
this is the first time i felt so down and stress and pulling everyone together with me.
Denny , Dominic , Joey , Adrian.
Denny-so sorry that i couldnt give you any good promises.
even as a friend , i failed to be a good one.
there is too many misunderstanding between us.
whatever you have done for me before , deep in my mind i will always remember you.
You are the first guy whom seen me twice , know me in a short time and just because of me you left your friend and go in the cab to cab down bukit timah with me and joey.

You are the first guy whom seen me twice , know me in a short time and just because of me borrow 50 dollar from your mum to go out outing with me without letting me disappointed.

You are the first guy whom seen me twice , know me in a short time and just because of me , words from my mouth you do it for me.

i really thank you for all these so much.
Deep in my heart , never will i forget all these.

Adrian -Baby , i know i have hurt you for giving you all these.
i know that i have break your heart to the max.
i know that you drink cause of me.
i know you got drunk cause of me.
Baby , you know all these that you have done makes me feel so pain to see you
cry.those promises we made i will never forget it.

Joey & Dominic -Sorry that i have disappoint the both of you.My moment of foolish make you both troublesome.So sorry.

Cycena is so messed up by her life.
Currently staying at boyfriend house.
Her Birthday is coming.
Her wish is to have 99 roses
Her wish is to have a huge hello kitty.
But anyone can give her to make her happy?.
i doubt no one. :)

2009-11-17T06:47:00.000-08:00

Baby booked in already.Baby took leave just to accompany me to Club. :)

Eventually we didnt get in that night because its damn many people alright.

Long waiting Queue.Waiting for boyster to appear till sweat. =__=

After that we decided not to wait any longer.cos my mum went there often so she knows that even if we got in , we can't be able to be standing on the dance floor.

Baby , Thanks for your changes .i really do feel sometimes.

Yet i have said many times that you really need to gain back my trust.

its hard to trust a person once again.

i am trying to trust.time takes place.

My Birthday is on the coming 6th of january!.

Damn freaking excited.

Planning of how to celebrate.

Anyone knows?.:p

Life is realistic , is money & not love anymore.

2009-11-14T19:55:00.000-08:00

Enjoy the photoS!.

2009-10-28T06:39:00.000-07:00

This few Days is all about work and work .thats all :).

Its tiring.i have left with no choice.But only these way to be for all.

Hate it , still must be it.

Never had i regret about anything.

Cycena feels tired everytime when is after work.

Baby , i just want you treat me good.

thats all.

No hurt , No lies.

No Hate , No tears.

I am just a simple Girl.

i wanna lead a normal life.

Thanks Annie Auntie for those advise.

Really thanks very much.

i will remember what you have said to me before.

i know those advise you given me , you just wanted me to be a much smarter girl before i turn into a Lady.

Today have been sneezing in my work place.

Just imagine how cold it is as my company aircon is at 22 degree for each aircon.

its just feels like i am in the fridge.

Damn damn cold!.><

Tommorow my dearie is coming work with me.hahs!

Saturday is coming soon!

I am just waiting for friday to end...

hahs!and brendan , stop your nagging.cos i have accomplish whatever you want ler.noisy sia you.lols.

Let me tell you guys something.....

I hate a girl very much.

that girl speaks in seducive way.

that girl cries with sympathy.

that girl acts cheaper than prostitute.

that girl face is as thick as orange skin.

that girl big name is Zoey Koh.

thats the reason why i hated her.

Be4 , i thought she was a sweet girl.

But now is Bullshit.

Lastly ,

Zoey , stop calling my boyfriend.

You know i hate it.

So dun ever call.

Forever.

Thank you very much for your understanding. :)

2009-10-20T05:50:00.000-07:00

These Few days baby had been staying with me at my house.
we fight sometimes.
we quarrel over small things.
ya , these are all sometimes.
I have always been thinking that why i always love Adrian so much?.
Thats because i believe that he is the longest attached to me.
That makes me cant leave without him.
i already used to it being with him.
We do almost everything together.

Baby , you know what makes me change so much?.
its because of a word called Y-O-U.
Sometimes seriously i hated you when you tend to talk to me in different ways.
and when the worst is something big happen in between us.
Now a days i always realise you like to say that you are not a good boyfriend to me.
Sometimes i think and think about it , you really treat me bad at times.
But i just feel that no matter how we quarrel , i will always prefer to stay by your side.
Till now , i just could not find any reasons why i would feel these way .you know?

Baby , i know some guys out there may be better than you.
they might dote me more than you do.
they might love me more than you do.
they might tolerate all my nonsence more than you do.
they might for everything.
but do you know is all a word called might?.

Baby , you know sometimes my mood just swing as and when i like.
Sometimes i still even think about how you hurt me.
it just came so sudden through my mind.
the picture just flash everything.
You know till now i still haven get over it.
and thats why when sometimes u talked to me a little differently , i feel like crying.
I cried easily .But is always reasons behind it.
Sometimes i dun know how should i express my feelings and how should i tell you for anything that i want to say.

Baby , I am seriously going to (please) you not to make any mistakes anymore alright?.
it really hurts me.it hurts me till there is no back door for me to get out of the space.
I am giving you the last chance.
If you really think that you can find a better girl after your army , Please tell me at least i know.
i want the truth .
its because Truth hurts , but Lies always hurts girls feelings the most.
Baby , you have got to know this.

Baby , all i wanted is just to last long with you.
can i?.

2009-10-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

2009-10-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

Enjoy the photos readers :).lazy for posting.post next time ;o

2009-10-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

Today is my second day of work.having many blur problems in my mind.
was so tired and tired and tired!. :(.Today slept in the Bus 153 and didnt wanted to get down the Bus because i feel that i am so so so so so so Tired.Just wanna sleep in the Bus and go wherever the bus goes.The bus journey was One and half hours long.thats why i will feel like sleeping.
Today my stomach pain like hell.but i was alone in office with no one to take care of me .:(
But luckily still Got Zura the malay girl to listen my story , my pain of my stomach and gave me concern.When we go eat for lunch , Zura asked me whether want to have some not , i say i didnt want .and she was caring until she asked me again whether i would like to drink or not.and she forgot that i got menstration :(.But , that was nice of her okay. :).
Today seating at my work place suddenly change and i was damn cold.very cold.
Cold cold cold cold cold!.cold till i really cannot tahan it anymore.Until i hope that i can hide in somewhere which is very very warm.

Her BF: This few i will be staying at bibi i jus wanted to see her everyday
finally i can really thank to bibi that she give me alot of support that why i
pass my driving test .tmr she is not working haiz i still have to go back to camp
but after can see my bibi liao^.^

My Galfriend:
>I really love her alot.
>She really care for me alot.
>She will alway worry for me so much.
>No matter what happen we face it tgt.
>She is the only gal cook for mi.
>I really can't live without her in my life.
>She really mean to mi alot.
> I really can't believe then we have be tgt so long.
>Really happy we be tgt is already 9 month plus liao muackz.
>No matter she will alway be there for mi.
>We hold our hand tight de no matter we cannot let go our hand.
>I love her then anything else no one going to take her away from mi.
>From the day 05.01.2009 she is a different like other gal.
>She is jus a normal gal in my eye.
>I know sometime i scold her but when i scold her my heart also will hurt.
>Bibi no matther what happen we must keep our promise ok.
>Bibi you know you are my longest girlfriend.
>Bibi i will rmb all the thing u do for mi i will alway rmb in my mind de.
>Bibi i will cherished you de.
>Bibi very soon going to be our 10 month le.
>Bibi you say next year around may you want to go malaysia with your dearie i will bring you go de ok .
>But bibi we must save alot of money to go malasia hao ma.
>Bibi if one day i dun have 8to5 liao i will mis u very much de.
>Bi no matter how far you are my heart will alway stay beside you de.
Hubby<3wifey
05.01.2009

2009-10-06T23:15:00.000-07:00

Cycena is reporting her work for tommorow.but is very far from her house.is at bukit merah.==
Baby booked out on last saturday and came over my house to pick me up to go ang mo kio to replace my old ezlink card to the new one and after that we headed to vivo to see my stuffs.
Cos earlier on , i saw one Bebe top which caught my eyes but i do not know the pricing and very confused with what i want.den i asked baby to go in the shop as my leg was pain .awhile later , he came out of the shop and told me one of the top was not bad .i went in and see.it really look nt that bad and the price of the top is also not bad because it cost 259$ .But if baby can get it from eventually i will be very happy:).after the trip to vivo , home sweet home ^^.

My ears start to hear words from friends , advise from those people who elder me years which having more experienced.
like what they say , decision lies on me.they can do nothing but just give me advise and words.
i have been thinking through all these each and everyday.in my mind it will always stay on this topic.
I am starting to fade in trust ,
fade in love,
fade in strength.
Everything really feels faded.
Baby , remember what i have said , Just ONE more chance i am gonna give you.if you dun wish to cherish , there is only one way.the way is to seperate.alright?.
i l o v e y o u.

2009-10-01T21:15:00.000-07:00

Hey readers!.sorry that photos are not uploaded as my cable is at that fucking guy house which i work there as admin.
so be it for whatever he have said.whether fake or real , whether is clarified yet or not is not my freaking business at all.i believed that no one will be willing to work with such a BOSS.so called BOSS.BOSS so what?.big fuck?.all right?.den why BOSS can't be other thing?.why must they also be human when they claim that they are special?.PUIIS!.

This whole week having been sleeping well and it goes the same for friday which is today.Today went to buangkok clinic was nearly late for my face appointment.but luckily i got there early and yet i still must wait.and after caming out from the clinic , there goes my 147 dollars.tommorow i shall ask my boyfriend to get me a newspaper to look for job .is because cycena is BROKE!.haha.

Feeling so damn damn stress .stress about money , love life and etc.didn't know that money is so hard to come by.yet My money that i have earned is not spend on myself , is spend by my beloved boyfriend.
Firstly he told me that his birthday he wanted psp i buy.
Secondly he told me that he not enough money to use , i lend him every month.
Lastly , because of food of four chicken wings he can stare and rolled his eyes at me.
For whatever others is , i dun wish to mention.only my close friends around me know hw he treat me.

Starting like what they say is HONEYMOON.honeymoon period for three mths.i always thought my boyfriend is
-always sweet.
-always dote on me
-everything he does , he will think about me
-whatever things happen and no matter what he wil side me.
-he cannot bear to see me no money to eat , and in regardless of anything he will try all his ways to get money for me without in return.

But , Now then i realise all was very very wrong .was wrong till a extend that i am so stress for now.i couldnt believe he would do such things , but yet his character really showing for that he is like this.At first my dearie was very nosiy because she was kept pestering me to test her boyfriend whether is he the right one.and i tested .Results were unexpected.because her boyfriend didn't disappoint her in this way.but is in the other way.alright , how about the boyfriend of mine?.

Was not what i expected , but its too late already.cos jasmine has already send out and have the reply very quick from my boyfriend.Conversations with my dearie and my boyfriend over the phone.i will only state important points over here.
1)My boyfriend says that he is single in the sms.
2)My boyfriend claims that he also feel the same as jasmine that he cannot found anyone better too.
3)My boyfriend requested to meet her behind my back at yishun.
4)My boyfriend requested to go her house as she was alone and rather for a shopping at yishun.
5)My boyfriend suddenly got suspicious and told her dun msg her anymore.jasmine ask sat are they mitting still?.he say i will let you know again.
and all these i am the one who agreed to let my dearie asking jasmine to test out my boyfriend.i know i am wrong.but readers , am i very wrong?.

I was very confused and frustrated when i get to know all these freaking things in my mind.My heart wants to cry also cant.want to hate also cant.i was wordless totally.i really wanted to give up.but his more longest , hard to let go.but still , cycena is very furious and sad and everything even till today i felt so stressful.

Baby , Now i cant trust you hw i ever did.
Now , i cant forget and forgive so easily.
You need to show me inorder to gain back what we are used to be.
i think i am kind enough right?.
to give u a last chance which i am not gonna give anymore.
Baby , one day if you cant tolerate the nonsence i am having now , you are very ok to leave.

alright , i shall say till here.afterall is a word called stress and nothing else anymore.

2009-09-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

Cycena feels so tired.............

Head spinning like no tommorow.feeling so stressed up!.@@
My cable is not with me.because i left it at my work place/so sorry readers alright?
i will get my photos up soon^^.
Hope tommorow everything go smooth.
Baby just left my house and back to his camp.sadded.
This feel days am feeling very stress.just want to work.and nothing else.
I really dun wish to see my mother working three jobs.is very tiring.everyday she has to work.
whenever i think of this i am very stress!.hope i can have a better cert to lighten her burdens and work.
feeling so messed in my heart.
But baby promised me that once he work he will give me money to help cover my mum expenses.
so i hope that will be true.:)
Just want my mum to be happy with no stress.

Yesterday went singing as i insisted.went to baby's last time workplace and sang over there.
My mum booked the room is from 8-11.but we extended the time after that.
and its because..............My mum's gang is with her.LOL.she dance non stop with her fav friend ginnis.Two of them dancing like as if they were in club?.gosh man.was stunned when i came back to the room after buying my aston western food.and chicken wings too as baby insisted having.haha.when i reached the room , ginnis and my mother dancing like nobody's business.they shake their hips.==.but seeing my mom so happy , i also feel happy.but when she was eating , halfway she also can be able to stand up and continue for the dancing while she is holding that packet of her hokkien mee in her hands?==.i was afriad it might spill and i ask baby shift to my place.LOL.but baby is not that stupid .he stopped my mum and took her packet down ..all of us crazy till nearly 2am and cabbed back to my house.home sweet home^^.

2009-09-22T01:33:00.000-07:00

Cycena is craving for study.i wan study badly!!:(.
Just called my grandma up.asking her to help me to ask my dad.
as i really cannot stand the lifestyle i am having now.
working everyday is not the way i am gonna spend for the rest of my life.
if its gonna be like this , i will go crazy !.@.@

lastly , i just want to say i want to study!. :(.
if time could turn back how great would it be!.hais!.

2009-09-21T04:56:00.000-07:00

Baby booked out on saturday.he pick me up from work.sweets sweets^^.
After that went home , both of us bathe finish and rest at home.lazy to be out.
next day , baby dun need book in because monday is public holiday.teehees.
Accompanied him 3 days.sorry baby that i neglect you when i was talking to rynn :(
i think i neglected everyone.lols.Baby dun angry larhhs.><
Just Now baby left my house .how i wish he can just stay beside me always.
But too bad he needs to serve NS.:(.quitting job very soon already.
Finding Job again soon toos :).

Baby , thanks for this 8 months staying by my side.
really love having you with me :).<3

2009-09-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

Mum says that my face getting squarish already after having this job.oh well , as those people who msn me in the afternoon would be wondering isn't it for me to go for my lunch?.But the fact is i didn't.i have always stay here regardless is lunch or what.one day i only had one meal or the most is two meal.morning or night or just night .thats all.Now my home treadmill with a carpet allows me to jog tonight already.so happy. :).i want to have a better figure which can make myself having more confidence regardless of which party i am in or which event i am going for.that has always been my dream :)

Now in my mind , i just want to pray hard that i can get to study again.but . who is going to give me the money to do that?.Am i going to slog for the rest of my life by working?.and the pay i am having now with me is very basic.if i ever had a family , the pay is not even enough for me unless my future husband earns alort?.i am now learning to be thrifty.its really hard.but i will try to :)

Baby , you seems to be nort like the past.
you hardly informed me wherever you are.
i do not know why i feel this way.
or maybe is i think too much about it?.
Baby , i am now very stressed up already , so dun let me worry for you alright?.
i still remember in the past , i always like to repeat one sentence in my blog.
the sentence is , if you dun love me anymore , just tell me.
at least i know the truth & truth dun hurt me at all.
A truth always let me learn a lesson.
A truth always let me know what is right and wrong.
A truth guide me to a better future ahead.
Truth is always better than lies.

Baby , Now i realise my love is deep enough for you.
thats why i will prefer to avoid quarrels with you.
whenever you say sorry to me , its just a word with five letters .
but you know what i am thinking?.
sometimes you let me feel that i am drifting far from you.
whenever i thought of it , i hate myself.
why did i change so much?.i dun wan our love to drift.
But no matter what , i will never leave you.
here i state a promise to my readers and everyone who is viewing my blog .
the promise is , i will never leave adrian chong wei guan unless he do.
Cycena is as faithful as ever.thats her character that she cannot change.
Baby !i wan hug you.hugging you makes my heart feel warmth.
you are all i needed :)
050109.this date will last ;)

2009-09-16T20:52:00.001-07:00

Cycena's chinese sign

Chinese Sign: Goat

The receptive, gentle, and compassionate Goat (sometimes called Sheep) is the eighth sign of the Chinese Zodiac. These quiet and sometimes shy people have enormous compassion, an artistic eye, and emotions close to the surface. They often feel especially close to their families.

Money somehow comes to the Goat. Often other people give it to them. As artists, they can have patrons. A Goat is a great guest and someone powerful people enjoy having around. Goats enjoy nice things and are not opposed to treating themselves.

This is not a person who likes confrontation. A Goat would rather have someone else take the lead and make a decision. Of course, you might hear about it if your decisions do not work out to Goat's comfort.

It is a good thing that Goat is naturally lucky because of their peaceful nature and kind heart. Romantic Goats need a partner who is willing to listen and has patience with mood swings, indirect answers, and occasional self-pity. Goat needs loyal friends who are steady and reliable. Goat people are well worth all the time and attention. With love, approval, and admiration, a Goat can blossom in any direction their creative talent takes them.

Positives:

Creative, artistic, cultured, kind, gentle, intelligent, sensitive.

Negatives:

Indecisive, self-indulgent, dependent, insecure, ungrateful, wise

actually is quite true too ;)

2009-09-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend chinese sign.

Chinese Sign: Horse

The popular and active Horse is the seventh sign of the Chinese Zodiac. These natives are independent and cheerful types who genuinely enjoy people. They can also be quite headstrong and when angry and are apt to act without thinking things through.

These are the natural salespeople of the Chinese Zodiac. Their upbeat and physically magnetic nature combines with a love of thinking up new ideas. They love to help anyone and anything to get ahead, including themselves. Horses will do a good job. They want to succeed. Never underestimate a Horse native's power of persuasion.

In love, the Horse can be a heartbreaker. They are easily attracted and may manipulate or flirt in a way that is most seductive. Unfortunately, some Horses prefer to play and value freedom above commitment. A Horse must be mature to marry successfully.

This is a person who likes to have fun. Horses need physical activity and lots of variety. They are flexible people who do well with sudden changes and shifts of direction. People who like them must expect the same.

Horse has a large circle of friends but, ultimately, they walk alone. A Horse is going to follow their own path, running free ahead of the herd.

Positives:

Magnetic, vivacious, witty, independent, cheerful, refined, enduring.

Negatives:

Anxious, rude, selfish, volatile, impatient, vain, reckless.

Actually is quite true :)

2009-09-16T09:28:00.000-07:00

Today is another day of work.feeling so so tired.how i wish someone could just give me money for studies.hope my father will do that :(.Today i was damn furious as i have finally decided not to work in there anymore.i am so freaking fed up with those people that put mask to hide their evil faces.they look hypocrite to me.thats what i fucking hate the most.there is no point for me to spot what they have done and mistakes.they should know themselves clearer.jus talked with joe on the phone which is my boss also considered as friend , talked to him clearly and telling him that i am not working.i was thinking why he still has the cheek to ask me why?.nvm.i jus told him the reason is , i am here to work tgt as a company and not to make the company unhappy with my performance.isn't it?.and he gt no words to say and say is up to me.ya , for sure my decision is i am not going to work.its just that simple.

Sometimes i am wondering , why couples break?.why husband and wife divorce?.
i know its very hard to maintain.
i know it takes alot of effort to do it.
Baby , sorry that i entered your personal things.in future , regardless of your handphone , your msn or whatever i wun go touch it already ok?.
Once Upon a time , i did this.
But Once Upon a time , the trust flew away.
and once upon a time i know is not simple anymore.
thats Once Upon a time.

Baby , dun let my trust fade for you alright?.
you should know i love you .dun ever break my heart.
i believe u are different from those jerks i once know and once had even .

2009-09-14T08:01:00.000-07:00

Today had dinner at new york :).was shocked that mum treated me.hahas!.
My life is been such a messed.now dhen i realise.sometimes i feel that i really hard to breathe.
i need money badly , seriously.without money , nothing really works.
Now i realise the importance.having much to say , this world is realistic.
Now i just want to work properly and smartly in this job i am having now.
be it i quit , or i continue.whatever it is i will take it.
I still dun really quite think this job suits me.but i will try my best to yearn for experience.

Baby , i missing you much.
hope another saturday is coming soon.so i can get to see you@.@
lastly , i pray and hope my father will sponsor me for studies.cos i really want to badly.:(
i was wondering.am i going to work and work jus for the rest of my life.
what my future will be like?.what am i supposed to do?.im so freaking confused.
sometimes when i thought of it , it really makes me wanna cry and i will feel headache soon :(.
i am so so so so so so so so so so so HEADACHE :(
hais.
Baby baby , You are always beside me.
you never fail to make my day happy.
you always think for me.
i m i s s y o u .:)

2009-09-13T05:41:00.000-07:00

Im back to blog again!.hahs.Baby just left my house cause he needs to book in already :(.
sobsob!Now i am missing him like no tommorow again.sadded.hope he is not in army!.
den i wun have to miss him that badly already right?:x.lol.
Taken this photo in the bus with baby when on the way to chongpang yesterday.
because i was busy updating my own photo jus nw and forget this , my bf reminded me.
so i update it now also same right?.
haha.i am sorry bitbit :x.

Baby , although its already 8 month plus .but yet i feels that is more than that.
it seems like 8 years.
whether is sad , happy or what ever it is , u are always beside me.
you held me so high and yet u never let me fall before.
You let me forget what is the taste of being hurt by others like.
You let me forget how those jerks dump me in the past.
You let me forget that i was once a loner.
You let me forget all those pains i ever had.
Baby , really thanks .for all these months you had done for me.
iloveyou. :)

2009-09-12T23:26:00.000-07:00

As usual.every saturday boyfriend came my house to stay overnight at my house. :_)

before i saw him i was missing him damn damn much.much till words cannot be described.

Baby come pick me up at choa chu kang from woodland and dhen we headed down to yishun for my ham ham cage.hah.bought the cage with many things for ham ham to play.this is what baby had promise me for a week to get me the bigger cage.:p.

Jus woke up and now seating down here as my baby is lying down playing his psp ==.lol.

Yesterday night when i was on my way home.mum called me when i was at chong pang.

My stomach was feeling quite unwell for yesterday night.and dhen yet i recieve a very bad news from my mum through phone.is about my job matter.

I hate people saying FREAKING FAKE WORDS.

they use U turn left and right and den need to go through my mum and den to me.

Why cant they jus confront infront of me as they are my boss?.

yesterday i just realise.actually from the start they didnt want me to be there.

Jus because they give my mum face so i have to work there?.

Just because of one word im there.

what is this?.i was damn damn furious ok.

i decide not to work during the end of september already.

i will jolly well take my pay and jus fuck off from this fucking company.

Freak u .

2009-09-11T04:18:00.000-07:00

Sorry readers.i realise i am damn neglecting this blog i am having.but i promise tommorow will be a very sumptous blog ;x.LOL.Because tommorow when my Bitbit book out i wan take pic pic wit him. ;x.LOL.alright , these few days been damn tired seriously.my eye bags are showing.thats a very serious case which is showing i really did not have any good sleep this few days.Now i know without a family how does it feels like to be standing alone.it feels so hurting.haiis.

Sometimes i misses my father .dreamt of him for many times.he appeared but only in my dream.

Maybe its because i am always so stubborn to not know about his words towards me and neglect him striaght and create so much stuffs.but maybe he does not treat me as his daughter anymore?.maybe bahs.;(

But i know i stiue have my mummy and baby beside me and my sisters and my close friends who care and love for me is always there for me.thanks all of you.i wun let anyone of you fall.anything i can help , i will try my best to help. :)

Baby , this time im gonna say sorry again.but i dun know hw many times can i say sorry to you.maybe one day you just leave me and i cant get the chance to say sorry to you anymore.although when i am typing this post , im controlling my tears and try to hold on to it but i failed.

Many times u told me to break with you if i am willing to , but i always say i really want to be with you.the word break does not even come across my mind before.

you always say i am just like a kid .cry cry cry and cry thats all i know.

yes , thats all i know.baby , if i dun love you , i wouldnt cry.i wouldnt even voice anything out to you.

Baby , so sorry i neglect for your everything.

i neglected your love towards me.

i neglected your feelings towards me.

i change myself suddenly to another person which you didn't expected.

i treated you coldly.

you know i also wanted to know all these reason badly for why i have became like this.

i dun wan our love to fade.

i wan our love to increase each and everyday.

so close like how we use to be.

so close like the past.

My heart feels so pain when you are sad.

My heart feels even more pain if something ever happen to you.

When aunnie aunty ask me : Cycena , do you confirmed that adrian is the guy that you want to spend your life time with?.

i hestitated awhile .

but my heart already have the answer.

the answer is yes.i wanna be with him and even for life.

Baby , i loved the way you combed my hair.

i loved the way you hug me in the nights to sleep.

i loved the way you smile at me which makes me feel so warmth.

i loved the way you sms me.

i loved the way for your everything.

i am already used to it having you by my side.

i cannot imagine one day you were not by my side.

baby , promise that i wun even have the chance to imagine alright?

i love you unconditionally.

050109.this date will last :).love you baby. :)

2009-08-30T01:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday met baby and after that he came over my house for spring cleaning.
painting our both room and kitchen.
choosen peace and tantalizing colour.both colour was nice for our room.
kitchen with rose white :).headed down to cine with my mum and my bf to sing!.
its been so long eversince i sing again.~/~.
Today paint my room as is not complete during yesterday.
mum cook lunch for us in the afternoon.my favourite noodle!;PP
Now resting and thats why i am blogging herre.;))

Baby is gonna book in at night.got to say the same old words again.
those words is im gonna miss him.
Baby , i am not xinku being with you.
you know?
and all these whiles i just wanna be with you.
regardless whatever it is.i am willing to carry it along~
During these days , the roads are crooked.but yet i will still walk it.
until the day i cant handle , perhaps i just collapsed?.

2009-08-29T07:15:00.000-07:00

FINALLY MOVED TO MY NEW HOUSE!AT HOUGANG. ;PP

2009-08-28T00:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday went to kovan again.but first i met my dearie after work.had dinner with her boyfriend and her of course :).met at sembawang and den had our dinner at yishun.to dearie :so sorry to cause you and your boyfriend not having dinner with the parents ;(.went to eat long john silver.i think its been very long since i last eaten it?.lols.
After eating finish , we sat down and chit chat here and there.my dearie's topic for yesterday was pregnancy.didn't you guys realise that it seems to be like a trend marrying young and had a baby during young age?.and even divorce is also catching up to be a trend in singapore too :)Afterwards headed to Kovan to find my mum but before that i was walking in the heartland mall and i remember that my mum told me that she loves the earring yet is expensive .but i got it for her yesterday.luckily when i came to the shop is going to close and they give me a price for $22 instead of $25(original price).i just kept it in my bag and den when i meet my mum already we went back to buangkok which is our current house.we went to eat dessert over there and i gave her the earring.she was shocked that i bought it for her.i am a very good daughter right?.actually is right to buy things for my mum once in awhile because afterall she is my mum right?

marriage is hard to maintain.
Baby is hard to take care.
Children is full of headaches for parents.
Life is totally a mess!.

Baby ah baby , tommorow can see you ler.happier den anyone else.
i wan to hug you in my sleep.
kiss you in the night.
and whisper to your gentle ears and say baby i love you so much.hahz~!
saturday going to catch movie again.
but too bad im not 18 yet.GRRR.no final destination and the last house on the left for me ;(.haiz.

MY HAM HAM EYES IS OPEN!

2009-08-26T22:18:00.001-07:00

Today is a very cold weather.its been raining for past few days too :)
this few days been so busy with my new house .rush UP and DOWN.after work , my next destination is kovan.its tiring uhs.but have no choice to go there to get all the spring cleaning done.fortunately , its all complete only those little small things need to touch up and waiting for new furniture to be in.Baby is gonna paint my house .so i believe his painting is not very bad urh?.haha.its alright for me to write it in this way cos i realised that he didnt read my blog recently lerhs ;( .this few week when he book out, we will always go and catch the movie.those latest ones. :).Oh ya , my ham ham's baby eyes is officially open from yesterday .when i look at it it reminds me of last time my hamster having baby.They look very fragile and so cute .they know how to find food for themseleves already.haha!.waiting for baby to book out this saturday and bring me go chongpang buy ham ham cage.cos nw the current cage that i am having is very small .so decided to have a bigger one :)this month i spend alot.and i am seriously broke already.

Baby ! i miss you damn damn damn much.@.@
You are the Guy that i will always love.
regardless you are rich or poor or even blind [touchwood]*
i will still stay by your side and hold your hands to walk through those matters together.
iloveyoubaby :)

2009-08-24T01:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry readers that i have been neglecting my blog.partly is because i am now currently staying at sengkang and i have no computer to use and sad enough to say that i only will have the computer in my room at my new house at this coming thursday.life sounds abit little boring because its all about work work work and WORK.Today when i am at work , i seems to be very sleepy.all thanks to my mum beside chit chatting some sense with her Eric.~/~.she was lying beside me and talking on the phone while i am beside her tossing here and there couldn't get into any sleep =.= so thats the reason for today why i feel so freaking tired.

alright.shall post about weekends .
On the Saturday , went to baby's house all by myself cos he was sleeping like no tommorow.and after that headed to bought his birthday present which i have owe him for around a month ;/.and den met my mum and we took 969 from yishun to tampines.when we aboard the bus , baby did something very lame when we gonna alight .you know what?.he miss call me for nothing.zz.afterwards we reach our destination and we went to eat kfc.is all paid by me ok.i am a fillial daughter and a good gf right?.lol.I promise mum that me and my boyfriend will spend one night in kfc house.and yes we did but kfc seems not to be very happy that me and my boyfriend sleeping on the queen size bed .so my poor baby have to sleep on the mattress which is placed on the floor.=.=.and i know baby is very angry and furious about it :/.hence on the Sunday morning we went home and go back to baby's house to sleep.and awhile around 12 plus baby's father ask us to take our dinner .after taking our dinner , went bugis for shopping.and it cost me a bomb.cause i think i have spend around 100 plus to 200 plus .==.but i have no choice its because those things i really need it :).

At lastly when it reaches night , baby is booking in already and im gonna miss him again!><

And i know that Sunday i am supposed to meet my dearie and i didn't.sorry;(
today i will amend it for her and we are having dinner later ;).

2009-08-22T01:19:00.001-07:00

i am stress
i am stress
I AM STRESS!.

jus some kind souls save me please.

sooner or later i think i cant take it i will explode.

SCREW THE MATTER ABOUT LOVE .

2009-08-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was full of frustration and madness!.i am going crazy as my head is feeling very warm and my neck too.My sorethroat is very worse yesterday.
and imagine i need to handle by asking arrival time using my mouth and my voice to speak?.
its painful for almost half a day.and yet i had calls from two different people and i need to talk to them in an anger way and raising my voice louder.
After one call , another call came.
both calls are quarrel which is making my sorethroat SUPER PAINFUL.
i feel like crying okay?.both of them does not even have the little concern about my throat. :(
the only person who cares for my throat is me and myself.

Now , i just want to have more money with myself that i save.can't i?
Now , i am all depending on my own.
Now , i handle things all by myself.
Now , i am only 17.and is this what a 17 old girl should be?
sometimes i felt so stress.i dun know why.
in my mind now i only have work.nothing other than that already.
for relationship wise , i think i should take a rest.
Baby , i dun mean anything for this alright?.i just feel that i need some rest really.

sometimes i think that study makes better choice.but wait , who is gonna give me the money to study if i really want to?.
it dun come from anyone.
it all comes from me.
me , me , me & lastly is also ME.

Baby , i am not trying to be stingy with you honestly.i agree that last time i dun feel pain about money because all the money is from my father.but now is different.i have to work it and earn it myself.everything it comes from myself.now den i seriously realise how hard and difficult it is to earn it by urself.i believed we always argue about money issue.thats why i gonna say that we shall stop this arguing and its gonna to be the last argue.
Baby u must knw.
-Not i want to be stingy
-Not that i am not willing to spend money on you.
-This is all not what i meant.
you should know my character .i believed even is my half character u should know.
am i such a person to you?.
i know i have ever requested you to buy things for me but i believed those dun accumalate up to almost hundreds.
but when you told me that you wanted to buy a handphone i buy because its ur birthday present.the amount is alot to me.but i will still buy because you are my boyfriend and nothing else.
yesterday i was utterly dissapointed with you.you really make my mood go mad.
i feel like crying out yesterday but i didn't.i hold it back.
i dun know what to say ler.
i just need one listening ear to let me voice out all my unhappiness will do.
i dun need any comments from anyone.
i just want to be myself.the way i am nw.

any listening ears around? :)

2009-08-14T07:15:00.000-07:00

Today was very shocked that i heard that im gonna be fired?.haiz.
shag shag SHAG.currently i am staying at sengkang.haha.although its abit far but staying here gt aircon.wahaha.tommorow my baby is booking out,.cannot wait to see him.
baby ah baby i miss you so much.must faster come out ok?.i miss you!@.@
hopefully i will do my job well and dun get fired :).

2009-08-12T21:04:00.000-07:00

In one days time i became superman said joe.
haha!.joe is my half boss half friend.
currently working for him at his house.
i have this name superman is because i did something wrong.but its just a small mistake ;x
sorry hanwen for getting u to get scolded because of me.really sorry ;x.
Laughs.
yesterday just moved to sengkang!.haha.
played games at kfc house.like arcade game but its XBOX.
haha.packed my things and slept quite late in the night.
Today i so blur cos i even wear my sleeping pants to work also.~.~
hah!.

Baby , i am always your one and only you know?.
you should know my love for you is up to 100 percent.
dun ever think that i am gonna run away.cos i am different from other girls.cos i just want to stick with you and stay by your side .if possible till old also.
you are the longest , remember this in your mind :)

2009-08-11T03:51:00.000-07:00

All these days have been staying at baby house.sat , sun and mon!.and even is gonna be today also.haha.cos its nearer to my work place ok.Baby book out super early on saturday and fetch me from work.at first he lazy dun want fetch de and den last minute i die also want him fetch.lol.
den after that baby say that he saw pasar malam and wanted to have a walk.so we walk walk and baby say that he want watch movie the G.I JOE.i rate for 9/10.because the movie has one point bad as its abit no link.u guys knw what time we catch the movie?.its 11:35.reach home at midnight.i yawning like no tommorow ok.den sunday pei my bf chu si , meaning lion dance.~zz.last minute de lorhhs.den after that we ate dinner and reach home around midnight as well. and monday came back to amk and meet my dearie and treated her eat chicken rice as she gt not much money left already.;).so these all recently the things i have done.hopefully baby books out on thurs or wed.even see him awhile i also shuang lorhhs.haha.love you baby!muackz.

2009-08-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

Tommorow boyfriend is booking out ler.hahas!.
actually today going club/pub with my mum and a guy.but last minute cancel. :D
this few days my mood doesnt seems right.i do not know why also?.
Baby ~~i miss you and tommorow can meet you ler.~~
i am already feeling tired.so nights readers.hope to have pictures to upload.nights!.

2009-08-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

Today go jogging with my mummy.den round a few rounds i collapse liao.lol.tommorow my mummy jio me go jogging again.;x.she like run one round like addict lorhz.lol.as requested , my mum ask me to post abt her perfect bf call eric.because her bf did something great by buying me a bracelet during his trip to batam with my mum.at first i thought it was a very normal bracelet.but my mum says that this bracelet need to weigh de den i was like kinda shock?.lol.and
its quite cute lurr the bracelet actually.i love it alot.so thanks eric uhs. :).this bracelet cost 9 thousand in batam i think .nt really remember hw much it really cost ler.

baby is booking out tmr~!.

baby i know you love me the most right?.

i know you will care for me.

i know you will stay by side.

i know you will never leave me.

because of me everything could be done.

am i right to say al these?.

2009-08-05T07:41:00.000-07:00

Yo~~i know my photo abit no link la hor.but den hor i gt no more photo ler.maybe will upload more when weekends come.mon is a holiday.yes la!Lol.;x.i just came here to tell everyone that i miss my baby!.and everyday cycena is working.siian.~~

the photo with one boy and one girl is i create in y8 derhs.cause too free liao thats why i decorate them.haha.goodnight readers~~.im too tired to post ler.;D

2009-08-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

Baby ~happy 7th months!.,\.haha.baby , i couldnt believe we have came through this far.its so sweet of you to always be by my side whether what my mood is.i am very happy to have you as my boyfriend and also being your girlfriend.you are just like the gift from the heaven.the gift that i have been awaiting for.you fulfilled my dreams baby.we are just like destined to be together.we will be together until we grow old right?.iloveyou ~baby hope to see you soon on thurs even its just awhile~.haha.pray that saturday come soon.and and monday is a public holiday.dun need work.can pig at home.finally can rest awhile ler.hehe.

babybaby!7th months!

AND THANKS MUMMY FOR GIVING ME THE LG PINK COLOUR PHONE.MUACKZZXX!

2009-08-03T07:05:00.000-07:00

Cycena feels so bored.everyday facing many many service report for her to handle~.
siian.
now i feel that relationship is more and more hard to handle as ages pass by.
True love is seriously hard to find.and if you want to find a person who loves you more than you love them , is more hard even.
Now my dearie and my mum faces this relationship problem.
today very busy chit chatting with them in msn.both are facing relationship problem.and i have to entertain and console plus care and concern.i am good enough right?.

For mine , i think i didnt still know how to handle well .as i believe i am still young?.many more to go and learn.
Baby , you must know that i am a girl who is very fragile.i tend to cry easily.i tend to heart pain easily for you too.although i always says that i am tired , but i still prefer to love you.i dun dare even to mention that loving you was hard , was difficult.cos i never thought of that before.
in my eyes i just know that i love the only you.thats all i know.my mind is blank.love makes me go blind?.blinded in you , adrian :)

To Mummy :i believe you should find a better one.dun always think too much.cry is a thing where girl's cannot avoid when it comes to this situation.same to you mum :)so cheers!:)
To dearie:think carefully , maybe he is your true love.dun slip off this chance.i know its hard.so have a tough thought over it.loves :)

seeing my both pretty sis on thurs again.
today met my huiling.and she makes me go mad with her stupid jokes.!

2009-08-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

No photos uploaded.;(.wanna get a handphone soon.;(
Baby~i missing you so much.haiz.
thinking a day that i am without you.its just like the earth without humans.

Iloveyou.never wanna doubt you :)

2009-07-31T08:27:00.000-07:00

Today had my dinner with johnson uncle and my mummy.
the place is grand corpthorne..i have never been there before.
we went over there to have buffet.heard that it was an international buffet.
the variety of the foods were very little.if they have more it will be better.
but overall the food was quite delicious as my stomach is hungry!;(

what johnson uncle say was correct-a woman should......
number one :be slim~(because its healthier and good for health)
number two :all of the guys , out of ten , ten is fan jie de~.
number three:[girls should be neat and clean.]
all these above im greedy to get it soon~!.

Girls are so pathetic after they get pregnant~~......\

So what if i am freaking ugly , its non of your mother fucking business.
dun say it to other ears , whisper into my ears.

2009-07-30T01:29:00.000-07:00

Cycena is feeling so tired.but afterall she has no choice lanlan have to work. ;(
Just now i was calling to ask the arrival time and guess what?.i called wrong.was very blur lorh.
didn't know why today i am so freaking tired.maybe is because of the medicine bah.
not very sure about it.eventually i uses my lunch time to sleep and i really did fall asleep.like a pig man.~.Tommorow is a friday!.so happy.tommorow after work i will have my dinner at indonesia buffet.is very expensive and i am sure the food will taste very very niice right?.

last week you guys should be wondering where i have been right?.oh well , i went out with my mum on saturday night.had my dinner with my boyfriend at cine and it was very crowded that day.waited for mum i think around 3 hours den she came and fetch me and my boyfriend to have a sing in the partyworld.we will crazily singing and it was johnson uncle who brought us there.my mum say that i like few years no sing like that.haha.!

last last week i have my dinner at sushi teh and it was very yummy.i keep calling from the menu as if is free?.lolz.because the bill goes to johnson uncle~~.oh well , my mum says that i am super realistic but humans are all same?. ;x.

I wanna see baby soon~!!.i miss him like hell~.the day before baby book in again like past , he send me home ..but wait...before that he disturb me at his house .make me fuming like hell man.
at first he ask me go home myself den i agreed and left angrily but didn't know that baby was walking behind me.he kns de lorhhs.lol.but it was sweet baby :) .baby , no matter how much quarrels we have overcome , after all , we still love each other right?.7th month is arriving :)
baby , i didn't realise we will walk this far.till now i still cannot believe it.but you really prove me that you are different from those guys that i once had.they played my feelings and throw me , but you didn't.this the only thing that i seen which is different from them.but its more than enough baby :) .i love you these three words holds many meaning in it.so i am gonna say i love you baby :)

2009-07-29T07:29:00.000-07:00

Missing my baby so much
today work whole day.feeling very tired ai koon liao.~~
Baby is come out on saturday.so not too bad la only a few days liao but after that is five days.;s
but better than i cant see baby right>?

Baby ~~you better faster come out i telll you.;x.muackz

2009-07-28T08:03:00.000-07:00

Baby , gonna stay in tommorow ler right?.
i am gonna miss you so much~.
photos finally uploaded.
baby , all these whiles , you have been by my side giving me the upmost love i needed.
so sorry about today.it really hurts i understand.
i promise not to mention those again alright?.
i will be guai guai de ok?as i promise you.
Baby , our 7th month is coming.
so fast right?.
i will miss you so much.i really cant get used with you not by my side.
but i and you have no choice but to follow your army law.haiz.
But nvm , baby is booking out on saturday.
but baby going work at saturday ;(.
baby , no matter what happen , i will be by your side de.
no more stupid jokes ler ok baby?.
iloveyou.muackz.
photos of the neoprint is taken since sec 1 , 2 , 3 de.
due to my blog is like so dead , i decided to upload it :P
nights reader.
love baby^^

2009-07-28T00:58:00.000-07:00

its my fault , my wrong.
for becoming like this i am sorry.
Cycena promises herself from now onwards
she will give the trust you needed.
never doubt about it.
if she do again , she is not Cycena anymore.

2009-07-27T22:10:00.000-07:00

Working is my daily life.because as i knw that if i do not work , there will be no income.there is no one that i can depend on.today will be the day that i will be heading back to ang mo kio again.
Guys are fake at times , real at times.
Last time she uses to be a very good girlfriend in everyone eyes.
but what has happen to her?.
Maybe this is the longest? , Maybe.
Why does she feels this way so easily?can anyone just whisper to her ears?
What is trust?.trust is about what?
now i nw faraway relationship is tiring.loving a person is a test.
[patience , care and concern.]

Friends are always around you , no matter how hard you fall.
no matter how pain your heart is , your true friend is always there.

Baby , your ways , your expression , your moves , your everything , i knew half of it.
is not as in today is the first day i met you , i hug you , i kiss you , i look at you , i know you , i understand about you.
Baby , you are the longest , yes.
you treat me very good , yes.
i really appreciate alot.
How you treat me , i will remember.
i wun forget people's good towards me.
including you my dearest.
i love being with you.
i love talking to you.
all these i really love.
Baby , all these whiles , i just want you to love me more you know?.

photos will be 100percent up tonight.
sorry people.~

2009-07-26T21:18:00.001-07:00

Photos will be uploaded by tonight.
if wednesday baby stay in den tommorow i will be back to ang mo kio again.hahas.
photos of friday will be uploaded by tonight :)
Enjoyed myself this weekend very much.
Love Baby :)

2009-07-22T22:43:00.001-07:00

My dearie says that my blog is dead!so imma gonna update something alright?.haha.but photos are at my bf house.due to the lag of the computer , i didnt upload.so the latest will be by friday.because i believe there will be many photos up alright?.